The ride was longer than usual. She has had to ask me to let her drive, it wasn’t that way with my oldest. I’m finding it hard to find my way in all this transition.
We took the long way, no interstate, just the tedious, flat, monotonous drive through many uneventful intersections. We were late. But the time was used to our advantage. We needed some space to connect and catch up. So “how are you?” I asked. Sometimes, that’s all you need to prime the pump in your deep relationships.
She’s struggling. The eminent transition into adulthood has begun. She’s not ready to let her childhood go. Sometimes she just quietly seeks me out to tell me just how thankful she is that we’ve given her such a great childhood. The fact that she’s aware of this amazes me. Aren’t these the spoils that can so often go awry?
But not her, she’s got a great head on her shoulders. She’s wise enough to sense the change. And she knows that even though she is temped to start grasping for the future – its not here yet. She’ll have to wait. The change will unfold little by little until one day she can gently take the final step into her new life.
She laying some beloved parts of her childhood down, knowing it can’t all fit in her future. Relationships, yep those will fade away too. Its hard to watch her in this pain.
The healthy pain of letting go, knowing what you held was fulfilling and purposeful, while not knowing what will fill the loss. But something will, I’m sure of it. And I’ll be there, in the passenger seat until then.
Sharing the emotional weight – this is who I am as her mother, as her friend. I’m painfully aware that with each moment she grows, my role is changing too. And I need to trust that grasping at the future is not the answer for me either. But to soak in every moment we have together. The future will intrude on what we have. It will change it and push on it, to make room for the new.
But for now, we take the long way.