I am convinced that insecurity is a breeding ground for fear.
Security comes in many shapes and sizes. Financial security, do I have enough resources? Physical security, am I safe? Emotional security, do I have a tribe?
Am I loved, accepted, and known? Tribe security.
While tribe security yields abundant benefits such as interdependency, identity, and love. It can also be the most disloyal companion of all the security blankets we borrow from. People can cause the deepest fears within us to brew until we lose all control .
While this truth has rooted itself deep within me I find its foliage needs pruning. The reality is, I can’t be sure how the “people” will respond, but I need them anyway. Paradoxical.
Stepping out and exposing all of my vulnerabilities will tax the system of the tribe.
By the time this post has been published I will know if the tribe created an environment of security for me or not. I’ve allowed unexpected schedule interruptions and delays to pop up long enough. It’s time to get up there and break the ice.
The “Ice Breaker” speech. It will be my first formal talk at Toastmasters. This tribe has promised to provide encouraging and helpful feedback designed to develop my public speaking skills.
I’ve learned from my impetuous youth, this time I’ve eased into my participation. I’ve been evaluating their ability to keep this promise.
The waters have been tested, I must now take the plunge.
It’s a shame that all of life cannot follow this course. Insisting the tribe demonstrate their commitment to the code. Code violations can be damaging to the human spirit.
For me the fear is not in the speaking. That is just an evaluation of a skill. Skills can be honed. Skills are not the person.
The fear is will they accept me. My perspective. My uniqueness. My personality. Will the tribe invite me in or push me away?
A secure woman has courage.
Are you insecure? Is this the result of relying on other people’s approval of who you are as a person? In the most loving tone I have to offer, I say “I hope not.”
I have a few people pleasers in my life and I’ve seen first hand how this tendency has incited the worst of all fears. Tribe security.
Now, I don’t recommend that you follow my overly protective, independent, self sufficient path to loneliness, however I do want to leave this crumb of advice with you. It’s my summary statement to all of the wonderful people I know who bear this tension with painful inner conflict.
Please don’t ever prostitute your emotions to solicit someone else’s affections. You are loved, accepted, and valued. Don’t chase it down.
There I said it.
If tribe security is one of your fears, face it. Walk in the extraordinarily individual nature of who you are, and if they don’t appreciate your beauty – grab your lunch tray and choose another table.
I know you’re afraid – do it anyway.
You are strong and courageous.
If you’re in a place where life is hard and need some perspective, I’m glad you found me.
PERSPECTIVE is what I can offer you. I’m a wife of 20 years, mom of a couple of teens, I’ve worked in corporate America, run a small family owned business, and served faithfully in ministry along the way. I’ve been a working mom, a homeschooling mom, and whatever else the world has chosen to label me. When I had a big important job – I also had a nanny, when I traded my private office and six figure salary to give my family the attention they needed, I became the nanny and day one almost broke me. Over the last 20 years, I’ve upsized, downsized, and weathered many storms, but that’s life…LIFE HAPPENS. If you’re feeling discouraged because LIFE HAS HAPPENED, or HAS HAPPENED AGAIN, I’m here to help you gain PERSPECTIVE. Not to sugar coat your version of hard, but to offer some real PERSPECTIVE coming from a gal who’s developed grit through adversity. I’m here to remind you that cultivating courage in your everyday ordinary life is the path to help you find some higher ground and gain a healthy PERSPECTIVE to keep moving forward.