The outcome could not have been more the opposite of my prayer, of ALL the prayers. There was a lingering temptation to be confused. Person after person inquired if what I had been praying for had come to pass. Which each “no” I passed out, I felt more and more, like I was a disappointment. I told myself as a reminder, “I am not the miracle worker, He is.” He is also, the great Physician, the I Am, my Provider, my Shepherd, and the lover of my soul. As He is ALL those things, He is also the all knowing, wise, King of the Universe; who was I to be calling the shots?

That’s what my prayer was really about any way, calling the shots. I had released the outcome to Him, but not the waiting. Not the timing. I was flat out done waiting for Him to move, for the outcome I wanted, and for the pain to pass. That’s what my prayer was all about – being done with the pain.

It takes courage to feel your pain.

While the words may have seemed courageous on paper, they were actually cowardice. Week after week I enlisted others to petition with me, to join my cry for help. I didn’t know this was cowardice at the time, it wasn’t premeditated. Once the fog of confusion had dissipated, enlightenment breezed in. What I really wanted was the pain of waiting to be over. I was done with the pain.

More than having the desire for the outcome I had carefully crafted in my own handwriting, I wanted out of the pain. God knew, way before I did. How do I know you ask? He responded to my petitions. Instead of numbing my current pain, He soothed me with a healing elixir for my aching heart. If my request would have been answered my entire life would have been turned upside down, and while the current pain would have subsided who knows what other ailments I would have contracted. He didn’t answer my prayer. Instead, He blessed me with what I really needed.

The visit we enjoyed with the people we loved was nothing short of perfection for those few days, that’s how I knew it was from Him.

God knows what will heal our hearts. We can’t write our own prescriptions even though often times that’s what we try to do. We must wait and let pain serve it’s purpose. The next time you’re in pain ask Him for healing, but don’t try to anesthetize the feeling. This will take some courage my friend. For you and me both.

We need the work He will do in us as we wait. This is one of my least favorite lessons in cultivating courage, waiting. It seems to play on repeat for me. I’ve actually developed a name for it, I call it “the stretch zone.” Just at the moment where I think I cannot bear the waiting any longer – He stretches me just a little more.

Are you waiting for something friend? Are you begging to get out of the pain you’re feeling? In order for pain to serve a purpose, we need to allow it to change us for the better, whatever that better might be. I can only think of one thing worse than living in the pain for one more day. It would be worse to live a lifetime without knowing its purpose.

What is your pain teaching you today friend? I hope it’s to be strong and courageous.

10 thoughts on “I was flat out done waiting for Him to move

  1. Waiting is the hardest for me. I don’t like things unsaid or undone. So if something is unresolved, it’s hard for me to wait. This has been a theme lately for me. Just letting it be. Not trying to get an answer but instead sit with my feelings. It’s hard. The hardest. I know God has it, but I’m a fixer, a doer. I want to jump in. This post hit me right in the feels. Do I want to continue the same pain patterns because I’m too afraid of the feelings of pain and waiting?

    1. Molly-you’re brave just for asking yourself the hard question. Loving you through all the feels friend 😘 – we’re only responsible for our side of anything and recently what I’ve experienced is God’s process to help us heal from unresolved issues regardless of anyone else’s participation – hope you find that encouraging.

  2. Thanks for posting this. This is so pertinent to my situation right now!!! I’m sick and tired of waiting! (We’re renovating our home since February and staying with my mother in law in her condo for the past 3 weeks). Only a month to go!🤷🏽‍♀️ I want it to be done! We’ve also had some sickness to deal with and the upstairs neighbor from my MIL is chipping tile! It is so loud!!! I really needed this today!❤️

    1. Allison-I love that you posted this because… it gives us some hope. Look what going on behind the scenes while your stuck in unpleasant waiting – RENOVATION, which really “labels” this week’s topic about PAIN. Might we all to see the renovation that occurs while we wait and experience pain. *I’m glad yours is cosmetic – although I’m sure there’s deeper stuff also taking place. Can’t wait to see some pics!

  3. I am right in this place. The bullseye is on my forehead. This morning I realized that I felt like it was me in the birthing position and I had been pushing forever. I knew that picture wasn’t from God because it didn’t bring peace. So I asked Him to give me His perspective. He told me He was fighting this battle on my behalf. It wasn’t even mine to fight. So I was thinking I had to fight and push or analyze where I was doing something wrong. But all He is telling me to do is rest. Rest in Him and watch Him fight for me. So today I am trying to choose the rest He offers.

  4. Waiting is often the hardest part of any journey, whether we are waiting on something we long for and desire or something we are dreading. But it is in the waiting that a mysterious work is done in the secret places of our hearts.
    Thank you for sharing your story of waiting with honesty…

  5. Melissa,
    So often I have prayed to just have the pain gone—whether physical or emotional. Throughout life I have found that we do learn the most and God does His best work in our lives during painful times. Waiting is NOT my strong suit, and I can HELP God With the best of them! But, He works on His timetable. As my first CBS Teaching Director used to say, “He never comes too early. He never comes too late. He comes at the edge of scream!” So true! Thanks again for sharing from your heart.

    1. Karen-“Helping” God 😂 I know that’s a common “spiritual gift” of women especially!!! I love that… “He comes at the edge of scream!” – Not sure if I ever told you but I went to CBS on your recommendation and it changed my life… that’s some of your fruit my friend. So glad we are connected still.

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