MomentswithMelissa

I was done being vulnerable

February 11, 2019 Melissa Dyer

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost a year since I was up on that mountain. The weather was unexpectedly cold for our Spring Break trip. I’m not a fan of the cold, actually that’s a gross understatement.

I hate the cold – there I said it. I can handle the judgement.

I was born in the Florida Keys, island is my natural habitat. My cold belongs in calendar images and Instagram feeds, it’s not meant to be felt.

I think that’s what’s so hard about fear – we feel it.

My mix of irrational feelings and rational thoughts that day was embarrassing.

I insisted on leading our trail of family members, each mounted on ATV’s, as we lined up with the other riders behind our guide. It’s nearly impossible to keep your own fear at bay when your momma bear instincts are at full throttle. Thus it was I who led our little pack up the mountain.

The sky was bright and clear. The trees were a mix of barrenness and evergreen. It was an unfortunate opportunity to be alone with my inner self, thoughts and feelings of a crazy girl would have been an appropriate conversation bubble 💬 doodled over my head.

My fear of heights is deeply rooted in my lack of trust in people. If I fall will there be someone there to catch me? This is the source of my fear.

The people who should have been there from the beginning weren’t, aren’t, and won’t be – people can’t give what they don’t have.

Some of our soul damage will always be there – and we must be content that the awareness of our scars can help us appreciate brokenness and mending without the discouraging expectation of perfection.

Perfection remains in glory and is not planning on visiting our chaos.

Chaos would be a great adjective for my mix of wrestlings.

“Melissa, you can trust that the people who made this vehicle understand the physics of the incline and what is required for all four tires to support you without tipping over.”

“But how do I know I can trust those people.”

“Don’t you trust the people who’ve built the airplanes you’ve flown in?”

“I guess I never thought about that.”

“Do you trust God?”

“Yes… just not through people.”

“Well, how exactly do you think God works in the world.”

“Through people.”

“Then how do you explain why this is any different?”

“I can’t” … ” I’m done talking now. End of conversation.”

I was done being vulnerable – even if it was only with myself.

It takes courage to be vulnerable about your fears and trust that people won’t take advantage of you. It takes courage to ask for help.

Because I’ve been deeply wounded by the people who I should have been able to trust, I have a hard time being vulnerable enough to ask for help.

This year one of the areas I’ve challenged myself to be more courageous in is asking for help.

I’ve been aware of this underlying reason for my fear of falling for many years. I know it’s there – but I don’t let it bully me around. I’ve been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, Sistene Chapel, Jupiter Lighthouse… been zip lining, cave diving, and mountain climbing on an ATV…all to keep this fear in its place.

That’s our conversation starter for this week.
Attribute #3: FACE YOUR FEAR
This week I want you to grab that FEAR by the neck and give it a good shake.
Tell us what you did to put your FEAR in its place.

Be strong and courageous… you’ve got this!

▪️DON'T QUIT

And there it was

February 4, 2019 Melissa Dyer

As I gently slowed the car while approaching the stop light God was already responding to my gritty prayer.

This year I have inadvertently committed to read through The One Year Bible – again. Some of you feel intimidated by that statement, well don’t, anything I do with consistency is a miraculous act of God. Give Him the glory.

This particular morning’s reading included Genesis, shamefully detailing the hot mess that was the family of Jacob. If you are unfamiliar I highly recommend you read from… oh let’s say Genesis, Chapters 28-35. You will definitely come away as I did, encouraged, whatever state your family is in – there is hope. 😂

In a gracious response to my prayer God reminded me of what I had just read hours earlier. Why? I needed the encouragement.

The drive to school felt more like being a soldier stationed in enemy territory than it did being a mom. Locked in the confines of my Honda Pilot I was exposed to hostel sibling infighting – it had almost brought me to tears. It wasn’t even 8 a.m.

Even though this was not an encouraging parenting moment, God in His immeasurable kindness reminded me of Jacob and his brood. And as He did I thought to myself, “at least we’re not that bad.”

And there it was.

A tiny rep to give me strength, because courage is like a muscle, if you don’t use it, you lose it.

ATTRIBUTE #2 : DON’T QUIT, Persevere when things get tough, make ‘finish what you start’ a personal mantra.

Parenting has made me stronger that any other adversity I’ve ever faced. It causes me the most pain and begs every cell in my body to scream “Uncle” – or “I give up”, “I quit”, “I can’t”, “I won’t”, “I’m throwing in the towel”. It’s my kryptonite.

On this day I needed to be encouraged that there would be better days.

Truthfully, sibling infighting is normal and I need to realize that it’s more likely than not that I will have much harder days than this one. Day’s that want to break me – days that will require more COURAGE.

So today… I #cultivatemorecourage one tiny rep at a time.

That’s our conversation starter for this week friends,
ATTRIBUTE #2 : Don’t Quit.
What in your life requires the most perseverance and how are you going to make ‘finish what you start’ a personal mantra?

Can’t wait to hear from you…and as always, be strong and courageous.

▪️COMFORTABLE WITH UNCOMFORTABLE

First we borrow, then we posses…

January 27, 2019 Melissa Dyer

I pulled into the parking lot about 11 minutes early. Just enough time to slowly walk through the lobby, notice the gallery of artwork, and wait a bit for the elevator doors to open. There it was the ding announcing the elevator’s arrival, the doors opened and invited me to enter the vault like interior. I took the few short steps in, turned around and pressed the button for the second floor.

Why does time seem to stand still when we are uncomfortable? Seconds of waiting for the inevitable discomfort can stretch as if days.

It was long enough for me to notice the padded walls and the cardboard taped down to protect the marble tiled floor. “They must be moving furniture or boxes or something” I thought. Anything to keep me from thinking about what may come next.

As the doors heaved apart I reluctantly put one foot and then another in the direction of my destination.

Suddenly, there I was, seen, there would be no turning back. They greeted me with smiles and handshakes, and sign in sheets, and agenda – it was all a bit overwhelming.

There is an extraordinary amount of protocol to participate in this group.

Protocol is not my strong suit – I’m casual, laid back, informal – I lack pedigree. While I’ve spent years scoffing at such ceremony – I now revere it. I respect the effort. In all honesty, it takes a level of self control and discipline to be ceremonial that I have yet to possess.

Maybe this will get absorbed into my soul?

I have metaphorically jumped into the deep end – will I sink or swim? These are the feelings of a girl getting outside of her comfort zone. But I want the BIGGER vision I have for myself and my life – and for that I must be stretched, transformed, and become a BIGGER me.

The hour was intense. It required me to graciously receive the encouragement extended by those who were veterans of the endeavor.

I borrowed their courage to endure. First we borrow, then we posses.

Wanna know what it was that I did? Have any guesses?

I attended a Toastmasters Club meeting – my intention is to join. Not familiar with the Club? In a nut shell, it’s an intense hour of practicing the art of extemporaneous public speaking. Sounds like stressful fun right? Ha! Even so, I already have week #2 under my belt. Which was a bit more intense than week #1. 😳

Here’s the thing… I had just enough courage to email the club for info and make myself get to the meeting. Not enough to get me through the meeting or attend again or join shall I dare. But enough to start.

I used their encouragement to supply me during the hour. And wouldn’t you know… as I rode that same padded elevator back down to the first floor… there it was.

New courage.

A fresh supply deposited in my spirit. Enough to put a slight bounce in my step and have the audacity to commit for a second week as a visitor.

Attribute #1: COMFORTABLE WITH UNCOMFORTABLE – Get outside of your comfort zone, make trying ‘new’ things a habit.

This attribute of courage stretches you – makes you BIGGER than you currently are. The courage to try new things increases your ability and your capacity.

What about you? Did you brainstorm ways that you could get outside of your comfort zone? If so, would you share with the rest of us? We wanna hear from you.

That’s this week’s conversation starter.

Now it’s your turn – share your ideas 💡 in the comments and let’s support one another in the attribute of COMFORTABLE WITH UNCOMFORTABLE.

Until next week my friends…be strong and courageous.

START HERE – STEP TWO

January 11, 2019 Melissa Dyer

YAY 🎉 you made it! I’m already encouraged… this means I’m not all alone here lost in the vastness of cyberspace. I promised that this week’s post would unpack the ‘how’ behind #cultivatemorecourage so let’s start there.

HOW exactly can you cultivate more courage? Well, it’s like anything else that needs to grow or be strengthened. You have to use it… a little bit at a time until it builds up – gets strong.

Example: lifting weights 🏋️‍♂️ regularly builds strong muscles.

The tricky part is this… what is COURAGE exactly?

Well according to psychologists there are several different attributes that help us define courage. I’ve selected six of these for us to work on as we #cultivatemorecourage together. I’ve come up with my own summary titles for these and they are:

SIX ATTRIBUTES OF COURAGE

COMFORTABLE WITH UNCOMFORTABLE – Get outside of your comfort zone, make trying ‘new’ things a habit.

DON’T QUIT – Persevere when things get tough, make ‘finish what you start’ a personal mantra.

FACE YOUR FEAR – Do it anyway, we all have fears but it’s important that we don’t let them hold us back from everything we want in life.

PAIN HAS A PURPOSE – Suffer with dignity, understand that pain is a natural part of life and that it too can change us for the better.

PICK YOUR BATTLES – Stand up for yourself and others, because it’s the right thing to do.

PURSUE YOUR PASSION – Living life doing the things you’re passionate about inspires others, and we all need inspiration.

TIP… you might want to keep a copy of this, right? I thought so, here’s a cute copy for you to keep, since you’ll be growing in these areas all year.

You can download it here ATTRIBUTES OF COURAGE

OK girls, you still with me? Excited or terrified? Well, either way this is where we are headed in 2019… as a community we are going to share our experiences right here on the blog, as well as other places I have planned for us later in the year!

(SHOUT OUT TO… Mary, Betty, Toni, Janine, Karen and Jeannie for being courageous enough to comment on last week’s post 🙌🏻)

Remember, I’m the ‘host’ here and as your ‘host’ it’s my role to open up our conversations around these areas of cultivating more courage. Which means… yep, I’ve gotta go first, yikes! But I shared last week that I’ve got some pretty big stuff coming my way in 2019 – whether I like it or not. The kind of stuff that you have to prepare for; like hurricanes, and relocating aging parents, and sending your first kid to college… that caliber of STUFF, life stuff that requires strength.

No, these aren’t the things I’m dealing with this year – but maybe some of you are… don’t you think you’ll need some extra COURAGE to get through these well? Let’s face it the emotional effort we use to live a quality life requires courage.

That’s why I’ve taken this task on, to build a community where we are committed to #cultivatemorecourage TOGETHER. I’m thankful you’re in this with me.

OK, actionable items for this week…

Think about the SIX ATTRIBUTES OF COURAGE and what you know about your upcoming year along with your DREAM, GOAL, and/or PLAN.

COMMENT on this post and tell us which attribute you think you need to work on the most, and share a little about why you choose that attribute.

Start brainstorming ways you can grow that attribute and write your ideas down. *save this list for the future

You hanging in there?

I’ll tell you a secret… I’ve already began working on #1 COMFORTABLE WITH UNCOMFORTABLE and the experience I went through wore me out. The day I stepped out to do this ‘new thing’ I was in bed before 9:00pm due to pure exhaustion. But, I did it and I can’t wait to share some of the experience with you next week.

So, here’s how this will go moving forward. I’m gonna post about one of each of these six areas each week and ask you to chime in.

Simple right.

Well, simple if you’re already a part of this community and you receive these posts via email. If you haven’t joined yet I encourage you to do so. Super easy just use the COUNT ME IN sign up at the top of this page.

Don’t forget to do your homework 📚 for this week listed above ⬆️ and until next time…

be strong and courageous,

START HERE – STEP ONE

January 11, 2019 Melissa Dyer

If you’re reading this… you’ve found your way to STEP ONE – which is where I explain what #cultivatemorecourage is all about.

2019 is a year that I already know will require me to possess a whole lot of courage. There are big things coming my way – some uninvited, none the less they are going to happen, so I need to be wearing my big girl panties or my life will mow me down like a fresh cut lawn. Meanwhile, I also find myself allowing old dreams to find new life, setting some goals to live with intention, and blowing the dust off of some plans that needs to get back on track. I’m just a regular girl trying to live a life that is worth while – and even that takes courage. But I’ve used up most of the courage in my tank – so I need to get some more to move this life forward. The good news is – that’s totally possible. I can cultivate more courage. Because courage is the fuel that moves us forward into ________________ (you can fill in your own blank)

Maya Angelou says this about courage;

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”

Yes, courage is the fuel for everything else we will need. This is my mission in 2019 to #cultivatemorecourage and this is your invitation to join me. So, here’s how we do it TOGETHER. This year I am committing to ‘host’ conversations around cultivating more courage for our ‘online’ community. This will come in the form of a blog post weekly on topics that I will outline in my next post.

What I’m asking you to do is – be a part of the conversation. Read the post – and comment when it resonates with you, what’s going on in your life, etc. I want us to do this together. This way we can spur one another on in this journey to #cultivatemorecourage in 2019. Because I believe…everything BIG we desire for our lives exists on the other side of courage.

Give yourself a pat on the back because you’re half way through Step One. Now, what I would love for you to do is comment on this post and let me know what your focus is for this year : Dream, Goal, or Plan…or of course all of these 🙂 .

Not sure… ask yourself these questions.

Dream – do I have a desire to reach a goal that feels completely unrealistic and far fetched at this point? Am I passionate about this goal and does it connect with the sense of purpose I have for my life? Clue 🔎 this may be you if… you’ve selected your one WORD for the new year and have created your Vision Board but aren’t quite sure how to move forward.

Goal – am I currently, or have I been recently putting some effort toward a tangible end? Do you know your target? Maybe you’re using your Full Focus Planner 😂 to be intentional about your effort, or have your S.M.A.R.T. Goal Worksheets filled out for this achievement.

Plan – have you mapped out the steps it will take you to get from where you are currently to a Goal you have? If you said YES, and let me show you my notebook, resource file, and all my FREE downloads on the subject, then girl you’ve got a Plan.

In addition with your comment tell me a bit where you rank yourself on the courage scale – remember that courage is fuel for your Dream, Goal, and/or Plan. If your courage was an emoji would you be the flame 🔥 burning but no forward movement, the firework 🎇 enough spark to get a bit off the ground but ends in a fizzle, or the comet ☄️ enough energy to travel some distance? We’ll have fun looking back at the end of the year to review our progress!

I can’t with to hear from you and taking the journey to #cultivatemorecourage TOGETHER in 2019.

Don’t forget your homework 📚

1.) Comment on this post with Dream, Goal, and/or Plan AND how much courage fuel you currently have 🔥 🎇 ☄️.

2.) Read the START HERE – STEP TWO post next week where we will unpack the ‘how’ of #cultivatemorecourage.

Until then … be strong and courageous.

P.S. If you haven’t joined our community yet, I encourage you to do so… I’ve got a special gift I’ll be sending to all my ‘friends’ in the next few weeks that I don’t want you to miss out on!